Ork! Ork!

The story so far.

In about 54 C.E., the book of Revelation was written (contrary to popular scholarly dating), and its original title was Guide to the Forms and Traditions of the Synoptic Gospels, In Secret Existentialist Code (please see the Bohairic and Sahidic versions). It was a smash hit, but nobody understood its intent since there were fewer existentialists in Asia Minor than there were in Parthia. In fact, we estimate that there were no existentialists in Asia Minor, and that everyone in Parthia was a rabid existentialist. The fact that Revelation was really a secret decoder ring was lost to the budding church. Though this may cut against the grain of accepted scholarship, the research still stands on its own (primary sources to follow).

Bultmann struggled with the true meaning of the synoptics as much as anyone, until his critical Turmerlebenis (Tower Experience). It was on this night that Heidegger and Bultmann were having a cigar party with the Knights Templars, and the works of Plato spontaneously combusted behind the bust of William Wrede.

Earlier, the "revelation" from the secret understanding of the Ephesian mystery of the ontological difference, had been secretly passed along written in cipher on the bottom of a bidet given by John the Baptist as a Bar Mitzvah present to Pontius Pilate in a Mithra temple round the corner from the Alexandrian apothecary in downtown Tyre.  ¶ 11:15 PM