In today's Spectator, the horror of truth as correspondence. Are you who you really are?

It is obvious, for example, that the only people now capable of accessing my bank account details are criminal hacking gangs. No one with any lesser degree of skill could possibly get through the labyrinthine process that my bank has just installed on its internet portal.

I put my most valiant efforts into it just now. I applied every bit of patience and brainpower. I entered my pass code and the last four digits of my debit card. I got the little calculator thingy called PINsentry™ and inserted my debit card into it. I pressed Identify, while balancing the contraption in sunlight. It flashed up a code. I entered it into the box on the computer screen. I waited. Nothing. I did the whole thing again. The solar powering failed. I couldn’t see the code. The computer told me in no uncertain terms that I was not up to the job of looking at my own bank account details.

And then she tried convincing a phone operator...  ¶ 5:38 AM