Spit Out Your Gum wants to gather Cleveland into its ownmost
I propose that Cleveland market itself as the Existential Capital of the World. Change the names of our main downtown thoroughfares from the optimistic, capitalism-embracing Euclid, Prospect, and Carnegie to Nietzsche, de Beauvoir, and Camus avenues. Change Quicken Loans Arena (the Q) to Kiekegaard Arena (the K), Browns Stadium to Sartre Stadium, Progressive Field to Heidegger Park. Instead of trying to seduce big businesses and conventions to come to town with sweetheart tax and hotel deals, let's lure all the gloomy coffeehouse denizens of the world to Cleveland with the promise of our gray skies.
I don't care about the coffeehouses, so long as I can get the Pagans special at the Pere Ubu diner.