She had big round and black eyes, immeasurable eyelashes, and looked as if a perpetual surprise might dominate her. Her movements were shameless, her clothes tiny, she sang in a rural English to which she added, looking for the complicity of her public, words in German. To me she seemed pretty, cute, but decidedly insulting, or, even worse, blasphemous. Rainer wore the uniform of the SA. I listened to him breathing with a rabid harmony and his hot breath was reaching me, as if he were about to explode. Something that happened as soon as Miss Bowles -- that was her names: Sally Bowles -- and the repugnant master of ceremonies sang and danced together a song that celebrated money as the dynamic spirit or the world. It was a hymn to materialism, of the Semitic voracity for riches, for capitalism without nation, to the miseries of modernism. They repeated the word money many, too many times. And they concluded, cheerful, asserting that money is what makes the world go around. Rainer didn't allow them to finish. He got up and shouted at them the insults that he, a patriot of our German awakening, an enemy of Jewish monetarism, a man of the soil and blood, and not of urban and mercantile culture, must shout at them. It was devastating. Miss Bowles and her repugnant clown stopped dancing, and singing. Some of the locals shouted the expected insults at us. Others supported us. There were fist fights, spitting, broken chairs, and everything ended in a frozen silence, even terrifying, when Rainer took out his pistol and fired two or three shots in the air and cried that the next shots would look for the rotten hearts of the rotten clients of that infernal place. We looked for the exit. I followed Rainer and, before leaving, I looked over my shoulders and saw, towards the stage, where Miss Bowles still was. I saw her collapsed over a chair and crying loudly, and the makeup from her big eyelashes made black furrows on her face, and her eyes had traded their surprise for fear. I swore to visit her the following day.Continued.
And so I did. Unusually, I asked her to forgive my companion's attitude. Unusually, she accepted, we drank a pair of beers, and more unusually even, she told me stories of her life, some of them sordid; others less sordid, or even illuminating, or entertaining.
I advised her to leave Berlin.
Labels: The Shadow of Heidegger